This is an article 9 and three quarters out of 10 people wouldn’t want to read.
*Harry Potter fans, you made it this far. From here on, I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.*
I know you don’t go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds you. And so you’re reading this. Very well. So be it.
So be it?
“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.”
You know what takes even more courage? Standing up to yourself.
DO YOU STILL WANT TO READ THIS? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?
Question to self: When was the last time you used any of these words in a conversation?
*Please tell me that was a rhetorical question*
*Oh god why*
*Flails all limbs in desperation, internally*
The modern human brain, exposed to internet/motion pictures, has developed this amazing “feature” of playing back shitty memories in black and white with melodramatic background music in the head, something I have come to detest. And for a good reason.
*I get pulled into my own pensieve without having any say in the matter. As expected, the world IS black and white with melodramatic background music playing*
“Dude, how was the movie?”
What I meant to say: “It was an absolutely enthralling movie, with adrenalin pumping action sequences.”
What I blurted out: “Awesome.”
“Dude, how’s college going?”
What I felt: “It has been smooth sailing for some time now, and I’m enjoying my newfound sense of freedom and independence. I am more responsible than ever before, and I am proud that I have become a better person.”
What I said: “Awesome.”
*Comes back to the present, gasping for breath, when this happens:*
“Dude, the math exam is an awesome challenge, and I’ll have to work really hard”
*Grammar/Vocab Nazi engine detects possible error. Begins whizzing insanely. Overdrive. Does he NOT know what awesome means? Ogles incredulously at friend, sighs.*
At that instant, the hot gas coming out of the nostrils of this self-anointed Grammar Nazi could have been hooked up to the gas supply pipe at Auschwitz in 1943 and would have saved Hitler a great lot of Zyclone-B.
Also at this point, the guardian angels of the English language did something awesome amazing and sent a 1933 edition of the OED crashing through the skies, through the roof and at my brain, which was beginning to form a “not-awesome” opinion of my friend’s vocabulary. (The 1933 edition is such a venerable old fellow that nature made an exception and didn’t burn him as he came crashing through the skies at an insanely awesome astonishing speed).
Then something even more amazing (awesome?) happened. The dictionary flipped itself open and I found myself staring at the definition of awesome.
“Fearful, inspiring awe” it said.
*Total mixed feelings. OMG is that what awesome actually meant back then? Awesome! Astonishing!*
Awesome is such an awesome majestic word. Learning the intricacies of the English language, I realize now, is an awesome/formidable task.
So is trying to write a blog post about “awesome” that doesn’t sound hopelessly forced.
How much awesome is too much awesome?
Do I really NEED to use the word,
Or am I being a lazy bum?
Yes is the answer, and it seems absurd,
That penning this poem limerick has made me glum.