I had no plans of writing this blog post. Sure, I had a text box open on this website for a prolonged duration with precisely zero words typed out, but it was never supposed to materialize into what you are reading now.
Until my cursor cursed me.
You heard that right. No, wait, I heard that right. First.
So my halpess cursor, which seems to have acquired anthropomorphic characteristics almost overnight, decided that it(he) has had enough. The poor guy, I realize, has been blinking away all his life, with faith and loyalty that would put the most dependant of Labrador Retrievers to shame. He (he tells me he’s a he) has put up, rather stayed alongside, with all the trite that I have typed out over the years. So today morning, when I opened a text box with entirely non-productive intentions, I would have stayed true to them, if not for this sudden barrage of expletives that seemed to come out of nowhere. Always the connoisseur of expletives and all things unrefined, I looked around with pleasant expectation, not entirely ruling out the materialization of Samuel L. Jackson himself. This is pretty much how it went:
“Listen here, you slimy little wannabe writer shithead.”
“Are you *ucking dumb you little dipshit? Look at me. I’m your *ucking cursor.”
Me: “I know that sir, from this effete display. Being the fine gentleman that you are, could you please show yourself?”
“*uck you, you blind and dumb and wannabe little shit. You’re looking at me.”
“I’m blinking at you right now you gongoozling muck snipe.”
Me: “Umm, Despite how ridiculous this sounds, are you, by any chance, the, um, cursor?”
“Damn right I am. And if you’re not writing shit, I’m going to do it. And surprise! I can press buttons.”
Deal with it.